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Let's face it; the end is near and signs of our inevitable demise are everywhere. Knowing this, why not make the most of the little time you have left and get off as much as physically possible? Whack-off while you can before your wiener's burned to a crisp along with the rest of your body in the coming global disaster of 2012. We only have a limited time left on this planet, so let's spend it perving-out to hot chicks!

Don't believe the end is coming? Hey, that's your problem, not ours. Facts are facts and you can either turn a blind eye to them or accept your fate and start wrecking keyboards, tissues, socks, or whatever else you dump your baby batter on. We're here to help you kill time until mother nature comes along and kills us all. Make sure you stick around and read all of our fascinating articles while your wang recovers between spank sessions.

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2012: The Origins
Is the end really near? The origins of 2012 explained!
Article written by ANT from Teen Planet Forums and posted on 04.18.11
 

Unless you live in a cave you've probably heard the December 21st, 2012 date thrown around quite often lately. Hell, I'm sure Osama Bin Laden's even heard of it and that guy lives in a cave in fear of getting his greasy face blown off by the first American who sees it.

So, where does this ominous date stem from?

December 21st, 2012 is widely regarded as the end-date of a 5,125-year-long cycle in what's known as the Mesoamerican Long Count calendar. The Mayan civilization of pre-Columbian Mesoamerica are believed to have inherited this calendar from other Mesoamerican cultures and essentially improved upon and perfected it. For those readers who are too stupid to know what "Mesoamerican" means, you can either Google it or go back to licking windows because you're clearly a retard.

Like other pre-Columbian civilizations, the Mayans were excellent astronomers with a highly advanced knowledge of the sky. Astronomical observations were recorded by priests and handed down from generation to generation. Given the limited tools they had to work with in their time period, Mayan astronomy is regarded as incredibly impressive, much like the astronomy of the ancient Egyptians who were also brilliant celestial observers. The Mayans, whose civilization began around 500 B.C., devoted enormous time and effort into crafting a stunningly accurate calendar based on the positions and movements of planets and stars. It was their understanding and development of advanced mathematics that allowed them to calculate such complex equations. To put the... READ MORE >>>

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